Fathers Day is June 16th.

IS THERE ANY CORRELATION BETWEEN THE INVOLVEMENT OF FATHERS IN THEIR SON'S LIFE, EDUCATION & GANG CULTURE?

Written by Myrna Loy

In a nutshell to a significant degree! Although, not just academic education - fathers need to teach their sons about how to survive in the outside world, in other words, life experiences. Fathers need to engage in activities they both enjoy. It's about the father being a positive and major influence in his son's life. The most caring parents can miss the signs - but because they are working or busy, they assume their children are adult enough to cope. Many fathers instruct their boys to stand up to the bullies without assessing the situation for themselves. Most boys are afraid to talk to their father about problems they face at school for fear of rebuke or ridicule, so they put on a brave face in front of their fathers. Fathers should not underestimate what types of situations their children can deal with and should enquire, investigate and analyze before giving advice or making suggestions. Fathers need to empathize with their son's more and be there for them, and if fathers cannot be there, then someone should be there to support them. Boys need praise from their parents, especially when they do things well to help raise self esteem at an early age so they don't feel the need to prove themselves to anyone under any circumstances. I strongly feel that if boys had moral guidance from their fathers; if they respected their fathers; if their fathers were an integral part of their upbringing, it would go a long way towards reducing gang culture and black-on-black crime.

I was saddened and alarmed when I heard one of the presenters on BBC3 Counties Radio say that we should send our young black men to join the National Service and put them in the front line to know what fear is like. He also said "forget about this generation - it's too late - let's work on the next one!" This was in response to the NUT report about the need for black fathers to be more responsible in order to prevent gun crime and subsequent killings. I wondered if this was what our young boys were hearing time and time again? Adults passing the buck; parents who can't be bothered to find out the root cause of the problem!! This is a typical example of shifting the responsibility onto somebody else. Although they look like men, these are young boys who did not ask to be born. They are not responsible for the break up in relationships. If the father walks out and they lose their role model (who might not have been a good one in the first place) it's not their fault but some boys are made to feel as though it is their fault.

Many parents constantly blame the system, the schools, racism and bias for the stream of killings that have taken place since the beginning of the year, and while these factors may be marginally instrumental, I think that it is the lack of stability, structure and nurturance in the home of these young boys that is at the root cause of this frightening trend. Parents are getting younger and younger [children having children] and many do not want their children to interfere with their recreational time and social lives. They pass their kids around to whoever is available to keep 'an eye on them' while they go off and behave as though they have no responsibility. Some think raising a child is about making sure s/he looks "cute", has a 'bad' outfit on and placating them with 'luxuries' to keep them quiet. Some over react when disciplining because their child has embarrassed them in public. I have heard many use the F-word to 2 -5 year olds. The child grows up with no boundaries, no respect, little genuine affection and soon learns that he is 'in the way', getting on mummy's nerves and when he cries because he is not receiving attention or recognition s/he is punished. It can get mummy's back up when children ask: "where's daddy" when he is no longer in the picture and I am not sure if mothers realize how important it is to have positive male role models in their lives when they have male children, especially if the father is not around, otherwise the child feels let down and suffers from paternal neglect/absence.

Where is daddy? For some of these young 'victims', the relationship between their parents has irretrievably broken down and/or the father can't be bothered or just doesn't want to know anymore. Many fathers are just too young and immature to take on the responsibility so the child suffers. Some young parents didn't want a child in the first place and feel resentful because the child is impeding their lifestyle. Many boys are forced to fend for themselves too soon. Their childhood is taken away from them - no tree climbing or explorative games anymore. No train sets or other trade-stimulating games as these activities are replaced by computer games; music videos and DVDs Boys, just as much as girls want love, adoration and respect from their parents and not only when they are young and cute, but in their teens too.. When they don't get it from parents, they are forced to get it from outside the home via girlfriends or peer groups. Once they boys have taken this route, they feel compelled to do whatever they have to in order to maintain those alliances, and sometimes it means being heckled to carry out a flippant threat, which they didn't mean in the first place.

I am not by any means suggesting that ALL parents single or otherwise, treat their sons in this way, but I am suggesting that many parents who are too young to know better, do. Parents regardless of age need to take responsibility for their sons especially, because is the sons more than the details who are currently being killed by someone else’s' son. If you, as a parent had them too young and it was a mistake - IT IS NOT THEIR FAULT!!! Parents had a choice, however young, to use protection when having sex, not just to protect them from sexually transmitted diseases but to prevent them from having children, but they didn't take that choice. Now they behave as though their children impede their progress, cramp their style and their plans for the future. There is a reason why older parents advise against having children at a young age. It is because they know the sacrifice it takes to raise children properly and how time-consuming it can be to instill credible values in boys to enable them to grow up to be self-sufficient and self-respecting young men.

If you talk with many of the boys out there who look like aggressive men in their Hoodies and oversized clothes, they sound like children, and that is what they are - but many of us forget that and mistake their size for maturity. Many young girls these days do not seem to be supporting them enough either and they should, otherwise where is the support going to come from? In a debate I attended recently, the young girls aged between 19 and 23 seemed to be cajoling the male graduates to a life of crime with their high and unreasonable expectations. They were undervaluing our black British boys making them feel inadequate, which could be a reason why those with low self- esteem try to prove themselves in less productive ways.

There is something very stimulating about a man who knows his stuff. The problem is that our young men are using ineffective methods to impress. They need to look at themselves in the mirror and ask themselves - where do I want to be 5 years from now, and work towards that instead of worrying about what 'dere niggaz' think of them. If parents knew that the way they raised their children would influence or adversely affect them for the rest of their lives - I wonder what they would do differently.

A NOTE FOR THE BOYS OF TODAY AND MEN OF TOMORROW

If you think your parents have given up on you. - don't give up on yourself. If your father is not home or has left home - don't feel responsible. That's your mum and dad's problem - not yours. If your mother or fathers are not giving you the encouragement you seek, look into the lives of a people who have achieved and whom you admire and get your credibility BY learning from their experiences You will be surprised how many high achievers were left to fend for themselves! Buy their biographies and learn about the obstacles they faced and how they overcame them. This knowledge will enable you not to feel so disappointed with your life and it will stop you feeling like a failure when you make mistakes. You will know how to rise above them and learn how to fulfill your ambitions for yourself. Last but not least, don't resort to violence regardless how you want to feel a part of a group - or want to feel accepted, because after you have killed someone - no-one worth knowing wants to have anything to do with you!

Conversely, if you sense someone around you needs is being manipulated or moving in the wrong direction, see if there is anything you can do to form friendships. Steer clear of situations that can damage your reputation and the love you could have for yourself. And yes, we know that teenage killings are happening in all cultures, but right now we are concerned about our children, our black children - the boys of today who will be men in the next generation. We need to let them know that we care and that we haven't given up on them!

Mothers Day is May 12th.

8 Ways to be a good Mother, instead of a Perfect One!

By Kate Kripke

I think it’s fair to say that each one of us enters motherhood with a set of beliefs or expectations about what it means to be a good mother. We develop these beliefs from the pressure of our communities and society as a whole, the experiences with our own parents, and through the expectations of friends, family and media. These outside influences can have so much power and influence over us that when we finally do become mothers ourselves, it is unbearably difficult to listen to our own ideas of what this “good mom” thing is all about. So difficult, in fact, that anxiety, depression, and overwhelming emotion can latch on like crazy to our new identity.

I want to share a brief story with you about a mom who I saw in my office this summer. This mom has given me permission to share her process around the topic of being a good mother, because it gives such a clear example of the ways in which perfectionist thinking and unachievable expectations can lead to distress. Celia* came to my office when her baby was about four months old. She was attractive, articulate, and also very scared by the unpleasant thoughts and anxieties she had been feeling since her baby was born. Celia felt that her thoughts and emotions were out of control and that she was going “crazy.” She described a traumatic delivery in which an emergency C-Section led her to believe that she would not make it through alive. “I realized that I needed to be willing to give up my life for my baby,” she said.

Everything worked out but Postmortem Depression began. When Celia’s symptoms were being managed through a combination of medication and therapy support, she began the process of identifying beliefs about motherhood that might be adding to her distress. We created exercises that with her in my office that asked to write down all the things that she believe to be “good enough” mom. Celia’s first list looked like this:

• A “good enough” mom: Loves her child unconditionally

• Always does what is best for child

• Never resents her child

• Should be able to handle kids all day without needing breaks (luxury)



This list made me anxious when reading it, and so I can only imagine what it must have felt like to her to believe that all of these things were a necessary part of mothering. After some discussion, the list was rewritten to:

• A Good Enough Mom does her best to

• Teach her child how to live life to the fullest

• Be there for her children when they need her

• Teach her child the importance of self-worth Provide food, shelter, and love



Celia is doing much better. She has not had a panic attack in some time and her scary thoughts have decreased. She is more able to access feelings of hope and optimism and she is enjoying her baby more. Her medication is helping with the biochemical imbalances that added to her symptoms of postpartum anxiety and OCD and her more realistic idea of what it means to be a good mother to her kiddo has taken some of the pressure off.

We all do this. Each of us enters motherhood with some idea of what we “should” do in this new and often overwhelming role. While many of those things may be entirely appropriate, many others may be entirely unachievable. I encourage you to ask yourselves what is it that you believe goes into being a “good enough” mom to your kiddos and to write down your own list. Take note of the “shoulds” and the “always’” and whether or not you are noting ideas that are truly yours or whether they are someone else’s (breastfeeding your baby vs providing nutritious food whenever possible might be a good example), your assumptions of someone else’s. My guess is that each of you is most certainly being a good mother already…

Source: http://www.postpartumprogress.com/8-ways-to-be-agood-mother-instead-of-a-perfect-one

A Day Spent In Paradise

By Denise Salman

Creating delightful memories is what a trip to Ocho Rios, Jamaica, is all about, so friends these are the places you must visit whenever you get there.

Dolphin Cove Ocho Rios

This beautiful property has a natural cove which is surrounded by 5 acres of lush tropical rain forest. Visitors have the opportunity to interact and "Swim With" dolphins, enjoying the thrill and charm of these amazing lovable creatures. Visitors can also swim with, hold, feed and learn about the evolutionary secrets of the Caribbean sharks. They can capture their dream of being a dolphin trainer for the day.

Dolphin Cove is the place to spend the day enjoying lots of fun activities. There is something for everyone. Entrance includes and allows guests the following activities as often as they wish. Guests can captain their own mini-boats and explore the coast, interact and snorkel with stingrays, take a glass-bottom kayak ride to explore the fascinating underwater world, watch the hilarious Shark Show and interact with exotic birds, snakes and iguanas on the Jungle Trail walk.

Relax on the glistening white sandy beaches, enjoy the tropical surroundings, taste the famous Jamaican coffee at the Star Buccaneers coffee shop, browse for souvenirs or jewellery at the gift shops.

See the Shark Show while the one-legged pirates roam freely along the boardwalk of “Little Port Royal” and perform a “jig or two”. Entrance is included with all dolphin and shark interactive programs. Once at Dolphin Cove, you’ll have the most exciting experience of your lifetime.

After all that visitors will want to take the wild fun trip along the coast to Dunns River Falls. Where they will hold hands with all those who enjoy climbing and a guide will show them exactly what they need to do to make it to the top of the falls.

A very invigorating massage is what they'll get, if they should decide to stop for a while and sit before a rock where the water flows over. It will beat on your head and your shoulders, leaving them with a great relaxed feeling. Another surprise offered by nature. Visitors will also want to enjoy the exhilarating bobsled ride, which was inspired by our Jamaican winter Olympians. After all that it will be time for a lovely meal at Mystic Dining.

Where the panoramic view is great and the food is excellent. After you have rested for a while you will want to take flight through the tops of the rainforest with the "Canopy zip line tour" or you might want to see eye to eye with the wild life when you take the “Sky Explorer Tours”. Visitors also enjoy seeing the colorful Jamaican butterflies as they fly among the beautiful flowers at the "Butterfly Attraction Garden". And visitors should not leave until they hop on over to Chukka Caribbean.

Where they will extend all that fun. They'll want to take the country bus trip to Bob Marley's Birth place, where he was buried. While they rock to his great Reggae songs and check out all the other things. They can do while they are enjoying this wonderful adventure; after all this visitors will agree with me, when I say Jamaica is truly a paradise.

Tia Simms-Lyma

Tia is the latest sportswoman to come out of the hugely successful stable of athletes at Plymouth College, a private co-ed school in Devon. She started with gymnastics at the age of six and went on to try diving at seven “I got scared at the three metre board” she laughed “so I decided to do something with my feet on the ground”. She’s certainly achieved that - at 13 she is now is a champion fencer specialising in Epee and all eyes are on her for the future Olympic Games.


There would be good reason to take a bet that the quiet, charming youngster will make headline news, along with the many other athletes that have come out of the extraordinarily successful Plymouth College. Over the last few years Tia has been the double British champion, came third in the “Under 15’s” in Poland; finished in the last eight in the British Cadet Championship and is now gearing up for world championships to be held in Croatia. She recently recently fenced for Jamaica, the home country of her mother’s family, when she took part in competitions in Bratislava and Gotthenburg.

Tia now represents Jamaica in Epee and is the only athlete in the country to do so. Representatives from Jamaica (which is her mother’s homeland) asked Tia to represent them in Epee. She jumped at the chance. Tia has a great chance of reaching the next Olympics. It won’t be for the want of support from her family – or from her school. Dad Andy was a semi professional cyclist and sports coach who now works with Tia to help her with fitness. “Tia works really hard, but its important to ensure that she gets as much rest and recovery as she does training and that’s part of my job” he says.

Andy Hill is Plymouth College’s Director of Pentathlon and Fencing. He’s had 30 years of training under his belt and some of the country’s finest have been helped by his expertise over the years. “Tia is doing better than anyone else I’ve ever coached at the same age” he says. “She’s very straightforward, never misses a session, works hard and isn’t temperamental. She’s a delight to work with and she is definitely Olympic material – if not in four years, definitely eight.”

Meanwhile the girl with the radiant smile looks on. “Andy is fantastic” she says. The whole school is really supportive – it’s a very happy environment. I don’t feel under pressure and find it really helpful to be amongst so many other athletes who understand what it’s like to train competitively.”  So what are the hopes and dreams of this extraordinary 13 year old? She muses. “To have enough money to have new Puma trainers every term and to meet Levi Roots – I love his food and really admire how he’s got on in life – oh, and a gold at the Olympic Games” she adds as an afterthought.

Although Tia has a fantastic future in the sport this may be potentially hampered by a lack of funds. Tia needs to travel to international competitions Jamaica. These travel costs are at present unsustainable for her family. Tia like many other athletes desperately needs sponsorship to help her achieve the next Olympics. Without sponsorship coming soon Tia may not be able to attend the world championships in Croatia on the 29th March.

February 14th is Valentine’s Day

7 Ways to love yourself

1. Express Gratitude:
Express gratitude for the person that you are. For instance, cultivate an appreciation for your strengths and gifts. Also, feel a sense of gratitude that you are alive and well, and fully capable of making a difference in your life.

2. Nurture Your Dreams:
Why deny yourself your dreams? When you nurture your dreams, you would love the life that you are leading. Every moment that you live is a joy; you are expressing yourself. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.

3. Boost Your Self Confidence:
Make a deliberate attempt to look for opportunities that can help improve your confidence. For instance, if you are particularly good at doing something, set aside more time to indulge and improve your skills on it. Knowing that you have particular gifts can boost your self esteem.

4. Relax:
Give yourself space to take breaks every now and then. If you spend your time working, without paying attention to your health, it also means that you do not love yourself well enough to take care of your own body. Fill your time with silence, soothing music and visions of beauty; anything that nourishes your Soul

5. Have Fun:
Inject some fun into your life. Life is meant to be an enjoyable. Don’t take life or yourself too seriously. If you can think of life in this manner, you automatically relax and quit worrying over things that do not matter.

6. Look After Your Body:
It is important that you strengthen yourself with proper nutrition and regular exercise. Your body is a temple and you should treat it with respect, love and care. It has been found that the lack of self love is often the root causes of conditions like eating disorders, obesity or even terminal diseases.

7. Learn To See Beauty:
When you learn to see beauty in everything, you will also see beauty in yourself. Hence, stop to smell the flowers. Notice everything. Enjoy feeling everything: the pink blush of the flowers in your garden, the greenness of the plains, the whisper of the gentle wind, or the myriad hues of an evening sky.

Source: www.abundancetapestry.com/how-to-love-yourself-in-17-ways/

SWITCH TO BREADFRUIT FLOUR

By John Anthony

The foreign taste and foreign itches that Jamaicans have developed partly through the efforts of our low self-esteem, history and of the foreign media I call the Hollywood Trojan Horses, now have the common housewife screaming for deliverance as flour prices jump and dance upwards.

Why in a land where we do not grow wheat, do we have a lust and taste for wheat flour? When I was a boy we had breadfruit falling off trees (ripened and rotten)! Why do we not have the taste for breadfruit flour? Breadfruit trees used to be easy to grow and required low maintenance and so the associated costs of production should not be prohibitive unlike yam or cassavas which have to be replanted annually.

But when a brainwashed perception (Wheat flour is the best) develops from a bias, it becomes entrenched and almost immovable. The local housewife and citizenry are as much to blame for rising wheat flour prices because they lusted after the wheat flour, developing American agriculture and did not demand breadfruit flour and so lead to the development of Jamaican agriculture. Hard choices in building a nation often means changing our tastes and preferences before crises hits. We should have developed a taste for breadfruit flour decades ago!

FOOLISH JAMAICANS NEED TO BE TAUGHT WHAT NATION BUILDING IS We thought nation building was watching cable TV and eating American apples. We thought that nation building was getting a multiple visa. We thought that profiling and styling was nation building. Or we thought it meant overstaffing Air Jamaica or using short cut methodology. Oh foolish people no one ever taught you that nation building means zipping up your pants and going home to your wife? No one ever taught you that nation building was changing your foreign taste to local one so your own farmers could develop local agriculture? Nation building means switching from wheat flour to breadfruit flour and setting a goal to plant five million breadfruit trees by 2010! Nation building means cancelling your cable TV and starting a college fund for your children and grandchildren.

WE WILL NEVER DEVELOP OUR ECONOMY AS LONG AS WE HAVE ENTRENCHED FOREIGN TASTES AND ITCHES Low self-esteem people make a low self-esteem nation and LOW SELF-ESTEEM PEOPLE MAKE THE BEST CUSTONERS! All smart marketing experts know this. Low self- esteem people will spend their money on cell phones and not on a college fund for their children. They will buy American grapes not invest in their bank accounts and cable tv before setting up a retirement account. Low self-esteem persons make the best consumers because one of the most potent drivers of human interaction is the desire for recognition and importance. These persons will go into debt and to great physical lengths to feel important and style and profile to catch the eye of onlookers.

In addition, we are destabilizing our economy by demanding cell phones when hundreds of thousands of citizens do not even need them, building the wealth of Irish and British companies who transfer our wealth potential into their bank accounts in London and Dublin, while they masquerade as Jamaican entities! Do we need Garvey to rise from the grave to open our eyes? He is not dead but alive! Open your eyes and behold him! In the future when inevitable price increases arrive we will scream then as we are screaming now when all along we should have been saving our money!

“Jahfakans”

Where is your Cultural Pride?

By Myrna Loy

While I was sitting distribution copies of “Blackbright Magazine” at the carnival, I noticed three noisy Black men. One of them was wearing a red, yellow and green t-shirt with the herb symbol on the front. He was holding a bottle of Remy Martin to his mouth and was gulping greedily. Another wore dreadlocks and was waving a half consumed bottle of whiskey over his head while being held around the neck by the third, who was wearing a t-shirt with the words “Jamaica – Irie Mon” on the front. If you hadn’t seen them laughing minutes before, you would thought they were fighting.

They were generally drawing attention to themselves and obviously under the influence. What infuriated me was that they were imitating Jamaican patios, wore symbols that identify them as Jamaicans when they were obviously not Jamaicans, and worse their conduct was doing Jamaicans a disservice. Even though their impersonation was poor, any non Blacks or non Jamaicans could erroneously categories them as Jamaicans. These men are what some call “Jafakans” i.e. fake Jamaicans. Their imitation of the Jamaican identity would not be so offensive if it did not negatively implicate Jamaicans, but it does! Onlooker seemed genuinely concerned of the affray. I was concerned as well, but for a different reason.

I was worried that non Blacks may not know that Africa is divided into 43 countries and there are approximately 21 Caribbean island territories, so that these men could have come from any one of them! I didn’t like the idea that if the affray was reported and descriptions were requested, “Witnessed” (being none the wiser), could easily say: “they were definitely Jamaican I could tell by their accent!” Hence the rap: “H’enting dat gwann a foreign, de yardie get the blame”. A Jamaican cannot be defined nor categorized. Jamaicans include Lord Ouseley, who is a member of the House of Lords; Delroy Lindo, who is a famous actor; Lennox Lewis, who is a World Heavy with Champion; Naomi Campbell or Tyson Beckford, who are supermodels; Patrick Ewing and Donovan Bailey, who are sportsmen; Dian Abbot, who is a Politician; Bob Marley, Busta Rhymes, Harry Belafonte, who are musicians to name a few. But for some reason, Jamaicans are seldom associated with high achievers, the famous and the infamous.

Because of biased media coverage that results in stereotyping and bigotry, the un-informed usually think of Jamaicans as trouble maker, aggressors, wear dread locks, smoke weed, sell coke and are gun- proud. As a result Jamaicans get a bad reputation and end up being apprehended (or blamed) for many criminal misdemeanors when the offence could have been committed by someone from another island or country pretending to be Jamaican. I am not sure why non Jamaicans try to implicate Jamaicans by mimicking their accent and their stance. Maybe they don’t realize that they are doing it or maybe, subconsciously, they lack cultural pride. All I can say is that if you from Africa, claim your African-ness. If you are from one of the island territories of the Caribbean- claim your true heritage. If you are born in this country (UK) – maintain your parent’s culture and don’t borrow someone else’s’. Everyone should be proud of tier heritage, their language and their culture and while “playing Jamaican” can be fun, if a non Jamaican is not behaving in a law abiding fashion yet imitation a Jamaican, they are reinforcing the negative stereotypes and making it difficult for Jamaicans to gain respect.