Wednesday, February 1, 2017

Before you marry...

February 14th is Valentine’s Day

Before you dye the shoes to match the dress, send out the wedding invitations or buy that $2,000 wedding dress, make sure this is the right person to grow old with in marriage. Life is too short and there is no reason to settle for what you really don’t want. When you truly know your worth, there is no need to accept less than what you deserve. Look within and ask these 10 questions:

1. Where is this going?
Living in the "now" is great, but eventually the partnership will need a plan or someone will begin to feel anxious. Are you checking in with one another and aware of the other person's expectations?

2. Do I really trust my partner?
For some, the immediate response to this can be devastating. If you're one of them, it's time to ask why and how you can begin to build or rebuild trust. Without it, there's no chance.

3. Am I with a good person?
Knowing what you know about your partner today, would you vouch for them if they were a friend?

4. Am I attracted to my partner?
Physical attraction is hardly the most important component in a relationship, but forcing yourself to be in a relationship with someone who you're not attracted to — just because it's comfortable or "perfect on paper" isn't fair to anyone. You will feel resentful and they will feel rejected.

5. Am I a parent or a partner?
Taking care of someone you love is a great thing to do, but when you feel like you're raising a boyfriend — or worse, a husband — things get a little complicated. You'll resent his childish ways. Who wants to sleep with their mom?

6. Does my partner have my back?
Do you feel like you're a part of a loyal team who stands up for one another, supports one another, and shows a united front (even when the other is not around)? Or, do you feel like you're constantly being thrown under the bus by your mate?

7. Are we looking in the same direction?
Some couples avoid having the big talks (religion, marriage, babies) because they think that, somehow, these things will just "work themselves out". By the time they realize they won't, they're in a complicated, painful situation that leaves one (or both) feeling a little bit duped. If you want kids and your partner thinks you're both "living in the now" and fine with the status quo you're both doing yourselves and one another a disservice (and wasting time).

8. Are we growing together?
Being a human being living on this earth, we all have a right to grow and develop, and create a full life for ourselves. Are you and your partner still indulging in your passions (individual and shared) and growing as individuals?

9. Am I still me?
Being in love with someone should not require changing our identity to fit someone else's idea of who we should be, on any level.

10. What is my gut telling me?

Do you feel like this relationship is healthy and moving at a healthy pace in a positive direction? You have intuition for a reason. Listen to yourself.

No comments: